Pepper

2014 - 2026

Pepper is the love of my life. I adored her, and I also just really liked her. She was gentle and very funny, with definite opinions about what she wanted. She could tell the difference between dehydrated turkey and chicken, and she loved the tapioca pearls in bubble tea. If I wasn’t sharing them quickly enough, she would bump her mouth against me in protest. We called those “kisses.” Even after almost 12 years together, I could look at her and feel completely overwhelmed by how much I loved her.

Being loved by Pepper changed what it felt like to be me. I could be unguarded with her. I could give her all the tenderness I had, and she welcomed it. She had so much affection of her own to give. I knew I mattered to her, and being that important to someone I adored was an extraordinary happiness.

We took each other into account in everything. Her happiness helped decide the shape of our days. We learnt each other closely, and I came to trust what we had with a certainty I have rarely felt about anything. Whatever else was happening in our lives, we belonged together.

I miss her particular self. All the familiar things she did, and everything she might have done next. I was still so interested in her. I still wanted to see what she would make of another day.

Pepper, being yours has been one of the deepest parts of being me. It still is.